Idol
by Bustahead
Summary: A Christmas competition entry. Nevan's point of view as she tells Dante of a magical time when his father was still alive. NOT a NS pairing.


**Idol**

_He had always been a strange one within our midsts, had always had a strange far away look that remained constantly shining within those eyes of His. Such eyes, such beautiful, haunting eyes, no matter which form He would take. When He took to His human form, His eyes were the most startling ice blue…closer even to aquamarine, that jewel that shines so palely, like His eyes. They were perfect, those eyes. They were startling in the manner with which they could express His feelings and this natural expressiveness was only one thing out of so so very many that stood Him apart from the rest of us, the rest of those unfeeling creatures that loved to dwell in the darkness, that loved to converge in the deep. _

_It really was so odd. Not odd how we all lived, no, that is only natural for creatures like us. What was odd was the fact that I never really felt as though I myself was one of them, as though I belonged with their kind, and deserved to live with them in this way. Yet at the same time, I knew that I was not yet at the same level as Him either. He seemed to have reached a great awareness, a deep understanding of something, something that the rest of us could never hope to grow to touch. Granted, the others never seemed to think about Him and His oddities, they never wondered why He was the way He was, they didn't care. He was not one of them, He treated them with a kind of disdain and so they were going to turn their backs on Him. For them, it was as simple as that._

_For me, though…it could never have been that simple. _

_Whereas the others didn't seem to be concerned by the way He acted, whereas the others didn't seem to care about Him at all, I did. I longed to know what it was that He knew. I longed to understand what He alone seemed to. I wanted to be with Him in my every waking moment, wanting to make Him listen to my song, my music, wanting Him to tell me what he thought of it, wanted Him to stroke through my long locks of hair. I wanted Him to notice me. _

_He was different, so very different, you could see it in the way He stood. _

_And this uniqueness was something that attracted me, no, not like that, it just made me feel drawn to Him, and I wanted to understand what it was that He knew, that none of us knew._

_I never really understood it at the time, what this terrible feeling was. Many of the demons who stood alongside me thought it was love. Where they did not notice Him, they noticed me, and they could not help but see what was happening, how I was beginning to act, how I constantly seemed to be watching Him. When they told me that I was falling in love, I would laugh at them derisively, would scorn and scoff ending by telling them that I was not capable of love. That none of us were, because we didn't have the soul for it, we didn't have the strength for it, not even the endurance for it. They would laugh at me in reply, would tease me mercilessly, would tell me that I was nothing but a foolish demon._

_No. I was not in denial, the very idea that you should even go so far as to mention the word shows me that you don't understand me, that you don't understand. You asked to hear about your father, didn't you? I'm trying to tell you my clearest memory of him. And before you ask again, this kind of thing that I am describing, it is not at all like love. It is more like, **adoration**, like how one would look up to a great being of power or authority, how one would dream of becoming like that person one day._

_So it was with me._

_I'd like to go back to my story please._

_Thank you._

_Where was I? Thanks to you, I've lost my place, I've lost my train of thought. Oh yes, I had said that the demons would laugh at me, and that they refused to hear me when I told them that none of us were capable of love. Yes, we might have been capable of a great attraction, what's that word that you use? Infatuation, I remember now. Yes, demons and devils, we were more than able to become infatuated with each other, but we were never really capable of the true element of love, love in the way mortals believe, the type of love that seems so magical._

_We have been thought to be magical creatures, you know that as well as anybody._

_Yet love appears to be one form of magic that us denizens of hell can never really grasp._

_I had known better, I had always known better than every single one of those demons. After all, did I not live with them at every moment of my life? Did I not see them day after day? Day after day after mind-numbing day? Did I not watch through my crimson eyes, feel my own orbs narrow with disgust as I watched their wretched habits which steadily seemed to grow more disturbing, even to me? Yes, I did, and within time I grew to notice that He would also look upon them in the same way. He was far better at hiding His emotions, however. His pale face remained smooth and unchanged, like a pool of water that had been undisturbed, like snow that had not yet been spoiled by people stomping through it carelessly and mindlessly._

_Ah, I know what you're thinking now. I can sense the question that remains unspoken upon your lips. How is it that I, a mere devil could possibly hope to know what snow is? I've been trapped in the form of a weapon for so long, how could I possibly know? Be patient, and all will soon be told. All will soon be revealed. I can see that I have you now in my thrall, that you are fascinated, that you are willing to hear more. Not about me, or about my awareness of the snow, but about Him, that great and wonderful figure that stood proud and tall, a true warrior for justice, a warrior that stood for truth, dignity and belief._

_It's just as well that you're always so hungry to hear about Him, the magnificent, majestic being that he was. My words to you will revolve around him and myself. _

_Thanks for letting me free by the way._

_It was getting rather cramped in there._

_Anyway, as I was saying before, as time passed I became more and more aware of the disgust and growing irritation that He felt as we spent our time in the Underworld. Though his face bore no signs of any ill will, his eyes were like open books, laid bare, the contents simply waiting to be read, and anyone could have done so, as easily and as fluidly as any literate being. Yet I found that no one seemed to pay him very much attention. The odd glow of his eyes were lost upon them. The only one who actually seemed to watch him so carefully was me. Me. Me alone. I can tell you that **that** had certainly come about as a surprise._

_But I knew that I did not love him. I did not believe in it to start with. I didn't believe that such a thing could ever exist. I knew of the concept of course. I know much more **now** but I still know even to this day that I had never loved him._

_Like I said to you on the first day we met, your father was a handsome devil. Anyone could notice that. But it was simply a statement, devoid of any personal feelings like love._

_He slowly seemed to become aware of me, and that he had a kindred spirit in the form and shape of me. I can't begin to tell you how I felt when he first looked at me, as though actually seeing me. I felt a smile touch upon my lips, but to my dismay he seemed wary, unsure. I quickly stopped smiling and looked away, watching the others before shaking my head, my red locks shimmering in the light. I strode towards him, feigning a confidence that I did not really feel._

_Before you ask, I will answer. I had not walked towards him because I was not even sure whether he knew I existed. He probably did. He was probably aware of this vague hovering shape. But only that day did I really come into focus. _

_As I walked towards him, I did not know exactly what it was that I was going to say. I reached his side and froze utterly, my words dying before they had even taken form. He nodded at me courteously and I nodded back before watching him watch the other demons. I followed his gaze and found a sigh escape myself._

'_It all seems so squalid, doesn't it?'_

'_Does it?'_

'_Yes…I mean…don't you think so?'_

_He said nothing. I began to panic. Maybe I had got it all wrong. Maybe I had been so willing to believe that someone else thought the same way I did. Maybe the other demons were right, that he was just an odd devil who didn't say much, who had nothing much to say. Yet the look in his told me differently, but had I got that wrong too? At last he sighed and shook his head._

'_I pity them. I pity them because they do not see what they do.'_

'_And what is that they do?'_

_It was then that I realized that we were referring to ourselves as though we were both different, as though we both had a greater awareness. As though we were both as like as each other, that we were both oddities, both ignored._

'_What they do, or rather what they do not do is that they ignore the sanctity of human life. They do not see how they stoop down to such a low level by killing them. They are as helpless as a newborn when compared to us. Yet they continue to kill, and they continue to take delight in it. It is infinitesimally sad.'_

'_I have never seen a human before.'_

_It was true, I hadn't. I was fed, I never needed to hunt, being a female. We never hunted, not in those days anyway. Now it is different. I was beautiful, I still am. I'm not being boastful, it's just a fact that I'm stating. Demons would be more than willing to hunt for two if they had me in mind. As a result I had tasted human flesh but had never seen one._

'_You have never been to the human realm?'_

'_No…' _

_He gave a small smile at that point, and he looked upon me, his eyes shining with a strange light that I could not place. All I knew was that my idol was smiling down at me, that he was looking at me, that he had just spoken to me. _

_We did not say much after that, in fact, I doubt we said anything at all. I left his side and I went to sleep, exhausted from the excitement of finally finding the guts to speak to him._

_Days passed, in fact, I think it was months that passed. Yes, months. We did not speak again, but we acknowledged each other with warm smiles, with shining eyes. We always stood close by each other. We were friends of an odd sort, friends that never talked, mostly because we did not need to. We could read each other's eyes, we could sense the auras that surrounded each other's body. We did not need such base things as words._

_Then one day he approached me, with a huge smile, one that lit up the whole of his face._

'_Come with me,' he commanded. It wasn't so much of a command. It was a statement, that he knew somehow that I would follow him eagerly. I would have followed him to the ends of the world, I had thought at the time._

_He took my hand in his own, and he turned into his humanoid form. He took me to a separate chamber, one that I had never seen before, and I had seen most places by this time. He smiled secretly, looking for all the world like a babe as he looked excitedly about the room. He strode over to a chest, seemingly as old as the hills. He opened it deftly and lifted the heavy lift as though it weighed nothing._

'_If you're going to come with me, you're going to have to dress differently, I'm afraid.'_

_I looked at him, feeling angry. My dress sense was wonderful. Certainly you have never complained, have you? But your father was unlike you in this respect, in fact in a lot of respects, and he insisted that I had to change my clothes. He made me wear human clothes. I did not understand what exactly it was that he had planned, but none the less I did as he asked._

_I couldn't figure them out for myself._

_Your father had to help me._

_I'd prefer it if you stop laughing now. _

_Thank you._

_After I had dressed, he looked at me excitedly, a big silly grin on his face. He looked exactly like you before you go into a battle. I've noticed how your whole energy pulses with excitement. So it was with him. _

_I felt his exhilaration and enthusiasm infect me, made something in the deep pits of my stomach whirl around with anticipation as he went back to his chest and pulled out a huge sack, filled with things that I could only guess at. He smiled at me and I smiled back, feeling somewhat breathless._

'_Come with me…' he said softly. 'To the human world…'_

_His eyes brightened, a glimmer that I had never seen there before was now present, lighting up his entire face, making him seem younger somehow, making him seem less grave. I nodded and his big hand closed around my little one, and together, we left._

_---_

_All around me, little white pieces were falling through the air, causing me to gasp and reach out to try and catch one. I thought I had one and I peered into the palm of my hand, but saw nothing. He smiled at me tenderly, like how one to their closest friend when they were sharing something so utterly precious with them._

'_That is snow.'_

'_Snow?'_

'_It usually falls in the winter time, when it is cold enough. They say that it is rain that has been frozen. Sometimes it even turns the ground into a beautiful frozen carpet of white.'_

_I felt it then, I felt the love he held for the human realm. I felt how he adored it and would do anything for it. I understood his pity then, that such a beautiful world filled with colour was slowly but surely being destroyed and plagued by our kind. _

'_Nevan…' he spoke my name. I had not even known that he was aware that I had a name. 'Do you understand now? Do you see?'_

_I could only nod wordlessly._

'_But where are the humans?'_

'_It's Christmas today, they are all inside.'_

'_What's Christmas? Isn't it Christmas everyday? Is that the name of this place? Christmas? Is it a town? A city? Is it only people in Christmas that stay indoors all day?'_

_He laughed softly, the way I had heard him laugh before and he shook his head, his silver hair glinting in the light._

'_No no…Christmas is a special festival that humans celebrate. I'm not sure of the reason behind it and I am not sure of the theory either, but I do know that it really is a wonderful joyous time of the year. It's not a town, it's not a city…and sometimes it doesn't even feel as though it is a festival. These mortals seem to take it as some kind of a state of being.'_

'_Where are they?'_

'_They are inside as I said before. You see, Christmas is also a time for family for these mortals. So they all stay inside and give each other these little gifts which are tied up in wrapping paper and ribbons. I think it's to remind each other how much they love each other.'_

'_I don't get it…'_

'_Come with me.'_

_He took me to a great building, which I learnt later was a hospital. He walked into the children's ward, where I could smell the scent of death and sickness. I could feel the sorrow, I could feel the pain. I knew that I wanted to get out of there. He looked at me sympathetically, mistaking my discomfort for pity. _

'_These children, these mortal human children, you can feel their pain, can't you? That is why we must stay.'_

_He was like a god, you know. A god. He could feel their pain as acutely as I could, yet he wanted to stay because he wanted to alleviate it. He wanted to make them cheerful. It turned out that the bag he had been carrying with him were filled with small gifts for those children who had no chance of living, the children who were terminally ill. _

_In trying to alleviate their pain and suffering, he tried to give them a small shred of happiness._

_They say there is a Santa Claus in this world, don't they?_

_That's what they make the children believe anyway, right?_

_Well, I believe too._

_I think he's your father…_


End file.
